wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
