Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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