The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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