I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
