i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
