guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I look better un-naked...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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