It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
