Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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