Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
