remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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