so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
