I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Randomize
