drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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