it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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