Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
