STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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