Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
