oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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