I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
