But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
