No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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