she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
