we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize