Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
