He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
And then he peed in my hair
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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