if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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