Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he fucked my hip out of place.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
