The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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