if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
