It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
