All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
