We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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