What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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