party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
