Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
