God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
