he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we're so committed to being not committed
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