i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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