if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
