So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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