It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
