Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize