I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
