new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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