Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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