So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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