A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
