Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
