I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize