We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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