I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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