i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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