Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
