you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
