i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
