OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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