I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
