Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize