; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
