just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
