Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
