i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
