batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
