so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
