Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
okay pat passed out under dana's car
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize