i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
