oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
