Pappa wants mamma naked
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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