You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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